I am vacationing this weekend in a country that also speaks french, so when the Redeem Team won the Gold I heard a few of the non-US-speaking people say:

"l'accomplissement de la simple et de faire une grosse affaire de celui-ci"

I was told this translates roughly into:

"They said it couldn't be done!"

Well take that world! ....it can be done, and it was. So chew on that red white and blue dog toy. America compiled a rag-tag band of hardwood warriors and they laced up their non-american made sneakers and took on the world. Yes, it was improbable that we could beat the entire world at basketball, using only US born players....but we did it. It is so memorable when Goliath beats on David, and this one will live on in my memory for a long long time (at least 4 years) until someone says we can't do it in Europe, and we fly to London with a similairly impossible roundball task. Go ahead non-US-speaking peoples of the world.....tell me it can't be done again. I double dog dare you.

Now America has reason to celebrate and rejoice. Maybe dance the Soulja-Boy to a Lee Greenwood song (it goes a little slower, but it looks just as sweet).

This may be short notice, but we pulled off Hands-Across-America, so I think we should talk about having a ticker tape parade across the entire country. Have the team fly into Seattle (they need another look at some basketball stars)....(too soon?)...and have them drive to Orlando with ticker tape flying from sea to shining gulf. I have a GPS, so I think it should be a pretty straight-forward ride.

In full disclosure, I do own several thousand shares of UTTI (United Ticker Tape Industries), so this might be a significant boon for me. Then again it was my idea....so I should be able to make a little cash on this. I bought pretty low, since there hasn't been an actual non-parade use for ticker tape since the advent of the computer screen.

If this all works out, I might be able sell some share and pay for this vacation....since my dollars are kinda worthless here.

--dog

Before I skipped off to Canada last week to the NBA Mascot Conference (yes we have one, yes it's as dumb as it sounds) I said I would be crashing a local sports team.

I am a dog of my word.

Saturday Night July 26th I crashed the party at the Lake County Captains game....in full disclosure they knew I was coming. I felt bad that I wasn't able to make Skipper's birthday bash later in the week (due to the aforementioned conference)...so I asked if I could come on Saturday.

I picked quite a day too: It was Christmas in July at the game, meaning Santa (yes, that Santa) was at the game, along with a bunch of holiday folly. The Captains are nothing if not thrifty....since I know you can get Christmas stuff on Dec 26th for about 80% off...so I suspect stores pay you in July to take that stuff off the shelves. Genius.

After the game there were fireworks and it was Perch bobblehead night too. Not sure you could ask for more.

But I did:

In fact, I asked for the whole kit and kaboodle (I always do). I asked if I could BE the Perch for the Perch Race. Which is the biggest live race West of Pittsburgh and East of Milwaukee.....so you know it's quite large.

And I don't have to explain to you how fast I am in a oversized yellow fish costume (or do I?). Well, it goes without saying (at least here) that I am quite fast....at least faster than the other Red and Green Perch who dared to take me on.

I won...and I am also here to swear on a stack of LeBron birth certificates that the race is 100% legit. Not those those phony Perogie Racesat Pirate Games...those are the professional wrestling of costumed food racing.

Not only did I win, I looked sexy doing it. (see photo)

It was a great night and I thank all the great Captain fans and the Captain front office for letting me crash their Saturday-Night-Christmas-In-July-Fireworks-and-Perch-Bobblehead-Racing night.....which actually kinda makes our "Planet Cavs" t-shirt giveaway look like a promotion we just threw together last minute.

--sexy fish

I would like to be the first to announce the Cleveland Cavaliers will not have a 2008-09 Schedule. Rather we will be working off of a time horizon of aspirational games. This time horizon will be announced shortly after the other 29 teams surrender by accepting a firm schedule of games for the 2008-09 season.

Our thinking was 'why should we allow all the other teams to know where and when we are playing, which really just tips our hand and allows them to plan for our arrival (at least for away games)'? This way the will be less prepared for us and we will likely catch many teams off guard.

Yes other teams will certainly cry about this, but it is there decision to accept the firm timetable of games so they should just accept the consequences. Our sematic surge will clearly be a huge success, so much so that we are still planning on a championship parade in the summer of 2009. Please make a note of that event on your wall time horizon sheet.

One additional note. The 2008-09 Cavalier Girl Swimsuit will no longer have any dates or months included. This is totally unrelated to the time horizon of aspirational games announcement....we just thought it saved everyone a lot of time.

--Dog

Cavs Hype Man Ahmaad and I had a rare rain out over the weekend as we prepped for the Richmond Heights Parade.  We have bene a part of the parade for the last few years and it's always a great time, so I was pretty disappointed when the sky darkened and the rains fell (and fell hard).

The parade has been rescheduled for 2009 when Richmond Heights will hold a rare double header parade (actaully that's speculation).

I am looking forward to a break from a rather busy schedule next week.  Summer camps wrap up, we will debut an exciting addition on Friday, I am making a shocking (or at least surprising) visit to a local event on Saturday....then I get a break for about 10 days. 

If you think you will not be able to survive without me for those 10 days you can order one of these plush dogs.  They are not anatomically correct (I checked) but otherwise do pretty much everything I do, albeit at a smaller scale.

It should also be noted that I do not get any cut on sales, which is just plain wrong.  You can complain during check-out.  I do every time I order.

--Dog

There are a couple minor needs we have at Cavs Central, which can probably be addressed with the 19 pick and a quick trip to Home Depot (we need some duct tape and those zip ties).

With that 19 pick I think we can add someone good. Probably very good.

I think that person should be taller than me (just a hair under six feet when standing upright), should probably be older than 140 dog years, be willing and able to play from October thru June without getting tired, and play a position other than Power Mascot (we are deep there and I don't have a lot of interest in sharing minutes.)

Since I have no say in who we pick and know as much about the draft as Mel Kiper knows about t-shirt cannons I am starting to wonder why anyone would read a blog post about what the dog thinks about the draft. I will continue anyway, since I can now claim I was "working" today.

Brilliant.

Here is my list of three guys. And before you read some wise-acre at the PD or my close-personal friend Brian Windhorst quoting an "inside source" I will offer you full disclosure that I indeed have no idea what I am talking about, and I have not spoken to Danny Ferry (except for that brief passing as I went to lunch in the elevator and he told me NOTHING! (and I asked!)).

Or did he???? (find out at the end of the blog post)

So here it goes:

Roy Hibbert - Center
Big Roy is both taller than me, 140+ dog years, and doesn't play Power Mascot. He fits all my needs. If he can pick up some zip ties at the Home Depot in our nations Capitol on the way to the Q, he'd be just swell.

I should also note (before some brilliant pundit does) that if this were 1990 he would be the #1 overall pick. Back in those pre-LBJ days (yes, the league existed before LeBron....it was less interesting but it was there) the top picks were the biggest guys who could score, defend and look intimidating who were seniors. If you went to a Big East School you could practically select the envelop for David Stern and decide where you want to play (just ask Patrick Ewing).

So in a very Brady Quinn kind of triumphant and tardy unveiling out of the Green Room, Roy will have slid 18 years and 18 picks right into the laps of Danny and the Cleveland Faithful.

Robin Lopez - Center
One of old man Lopez' kids could be available at 19. And the hook here is that identical twins pull the old switcheroo all the time. So we might never know which one we get. As long as we get the second of Lopi (which I believe is the plural of Lopez)....we couldn't get the short end of the Lopez Stick.....and it might be like trading up. The other Lopez kid has been mentioned as high as #3....so we could be getting him. We might never know. I mean we will not know. Just ask one of their ex-girlfriends.....they have no idea.

It's like getting young talent, and a free lottery ticket....and did I mention these cats played at Stanford? So the can probably handle the accounting or legal work for the Cavs on days off. This pick is hard not to make. They probably know Tiger Woods, John Elway and Condi Rice (Stanford has these celebrity alumni functions, so they are all tight). Playing along side LBJ would make either Lopi a big star at Stanford....thus all those other celebrites would probably get courtside tickets. It all makes sense (to me).

Oh and both Lopi are taller than me, 140+ dog years, and neither play the PM....so we are good on all accounts there.

Darrell Arthur - Power Forward
First I add a non-Center to the list since I don't want Z to punch me in the ear. I am in no way suggesting we need a center (we have Z) but I just think these larger guys are the best ones around our pick.

A better athlete than the other two, so he might be able to run the floor better than the other two. He barely weighs more than me, which is a concern....but we have Chipotle here in Cleveland (and I don't think they have then in Kansas). I think I can get 15 pounds on this kid over the summer.

Like these other guys: Over 140, not a mascot and is taller than a breadbox. Check ,check, and check.

Executive Summary

If we walk out of the 19th pick with anyone of these four (Roy, Darrell, or a Mystery Lopez) I will be a happy dog.

All that said, Danny told me in the elevator that we will trade the pick....for some duct tape and zip ties.

See you at the Winking Lizard in Lakewood.

--dog

Finally: Yes, I know, the photo doesn't match the story...but I didn't have a shot of me and Danny conferring in an elevator.....this photo was the closest I had.

Post-Draft Note:  Danny actually told me in the elevator that we were getting JJ.  I wanted to build trust with Danny and grow our relationship by keeping his secret.....and I thought he meant JJ Reddick and I didn't have the heart to tell him that JJ Reddick already played in the NBA.